PLEASE READ AND REBLOG.
Okay, let me first say this. I have a lot of mixed feelings about posting this. I have trouble admitting when I need help, I don’t like asking for help, and most of the time I just feel like I should be able to handle things on my own. I hate the idea that I sound like I’m whining, so I’m really trying not to sound whiny, but I also feel like I really want to convey the gravity of my situation here.
My name is Cassandra. I’m 22 years old. I dropped out of school two years ago, and ended up having to move back home. I have an emotionally and psychologically abusive family. It has been this way all my life. Due to their treatment of me, I developed Dissociative Identity Disorder (multiple personalities brought on as a mechanism for coping with trauma) by the time I was three years old. Somewhere along the way, I also ended up with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and the symptoms include high levels of anxiety and an intense fear of conflict. I’ve also had depression for as long as I remember. I have been a self-harmer for nearly ten years and have attempted suicide twice. The household I live in is severely toxic to me: it has gotten to the point where my DID has kicked in so strongly that I am in a heavily dissociated state whenever I am at home because I cannot handle existing there.
I dropped out of college because I was massively suicidal at the time due to the stress. Since then, after taking some time to try to pull myself back together, I have been working retail jobs at the local mall. I currently have two jobs. One pays CO minimum wage ($8/hr), and one pays $9/hr. I work 5-6 days a week. Balancing two jobs with strong anxiety and multiple personalities is a nightmare. While I’m living at home, I don’t have to pay rent, which is a small consolation for the awful environment. I do however pay for gas, food, and my medication. The medication alone, with insurance, sometimes costs up to $90/month. I am lucky in that currently my parents are paying for my medical bills such as psychiatrist and psychologist visits, but they have indicated that in the near future they expect me to start paying for these. I currently have a credit card bill of nearly $2,000 that I am doing my best to pay off. The amount of money I actually have in my bank account? Around $400. I have been selling things on eBay and doing freelance jobs online to supplement my income but it hasn’t helped much.
Now, on top of this, the car that I have been driving is my parents’ car. I use it to get to and from work, and to see my boyfriend. My boyfriend is a very important part of my life. He helps me remain stable and gives me hope. However, the tires on the car I’m driving now, are really bad. I took it in for an oil change a few days ago and they basically told me I should not be driving this car because the front tires are bald and the back tires are almost so. My parents refuse to replace the tires. Their excuse is that they “can’t afford it” right now. I know this is bullshit. My mother is the type of woman who replaces all of her major kitchen appliances on a whim. Instead, my parents have taken this as an opportunity to exercise their control over me even more, telling me that I am no longer allowed to drive anywhere but to work and back. Which makes seeing my boyfriend (who lives about an hour away and who doesn’t have a car yet) immensely harder. I have been dating him for almost two and a half years, and I get to see him once a week. The idea of not getting to see him, or getting to see him less often than that, ratchets my anxiety up into astronomic levels. I live in an area where buses don’t even run, okay? But new tires run for about 600$ and I clearly don’t have that kind of money to spare.
So what it comes down to? I need to get out of this house. I need to get away from my parents. If you need any convincing that they are horrible people who make me suicidal, I’d be glad to elaborate. Whenever I am able to move out, I will be getting an apartment with my boyfriend. But right now I’m financially incapable of paying any part of rent. I also need new tires for my car and am effectively grounded in a toxic environment until I get new tires.
So I am asking for donations. Every tiny bit helps.
I swear I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t actually need the help. If you’ve got five bucks to spare, that would be so helpful.
You can donate here.